My wife recently told me a story from her child hood. She had a friend in highschool, ( when I heard the story I thought it was elementrary school), that she wanted to ride the school bus with. But her father did not allow them to have friends stay over during the school week. This did not deter my wife. Her friend came home with her. Their master plan was for her to hide and sleep in the closet. Unfortunately her father through a wrench into the plans by coming home sick early from work. She was not smart enough to think he might notice a difference in her behavior, ie staying back in her bedroom instead of watching tv in the living room. So he comes back and pops his head into the room to check on them and the friend darts back into the closet. Busted. And in less then a year.

The man had to have cameras installed in his house to catch the woman. And he only became suspecious the past few months when he finally noticed food missing. I love food, I would have noticed missing food much sooner.

I may have misled you a bit with the title. Sorry, I have very little money so it would do you no good to try and sue me for false advertising, besides which I did say not exactly a talking, flying donkey. However the donkey was very much treated like a human. It got into a fight, beat a few people, and was thrown in the pokey until its bail could be paid. I am not sure which had more to drink, the police, the donkey or the people assaulted by the donkey. In either case, I bet that’s the last time they give him the worm. Or perhaps the Chiapas police are not real police, but are in fact animal control officers in disguise as police.

So the donkey didn’t talk (it didn’t really fly either), but the parrot sure enough did. Trained to repeat its owners address if lost. Nice. Just one question, how did the owner teach it to recognize when it was lost? Teaching the address is one thing, but teaching it to recognize when it was lost is another. Unless of course they simply taught it to respond with the address when prompted with a certain question or questions. And it refused to talk to the police. Perhaps it has watched too many crime drama’s and wanted his lawyer present before he said anything, just in the off case he say something to incriminate himself. “yes, I stole the crackers. I can’t help it. That dry bland salty goodness just drives me over the edge.”

The chased the mouse through the power plant and into the high voltage lines, subsequently causing a power outage. No word on whether the mouse was caught or not, or if the “woman of the house” chased the bad cat out of the house for trying to catch the mouse.

I never did really understand that part of it. Why would you shoo the cat out of the house for trying to catch a mouse (and not shoo the mouse) when your reaction to seeing the mouse was to scream and jump up on the table? And Tom was half the size of a human. That is one damn big cat and I would think it would cause massive destruction in all of its other cat activities and not just while chasing Jerry. I did like the fact that they did not speak, although it was ruined when the little bird was added. I am still trying to decide if they hate each other or not, and whether Tom chases jerry simply for keeping up the traditional roles society has placed on them. Not to mention adding a dog into the mix. I can buy into the dog chasing the cat, but have a difficult time believing the dog would protect the mouse. Personally I would think the dog would proceed to chase the mouse after finishing with the cat.

Recent studies have shown that cats stop killing somewhere around 12 to 15 mice  if placed in a room with mice. This could suggest that they only kill what they need. But if that is the case then if you provide enough equivalent food would they still kill the same number of mice? If so, would this not then suggest that they also kill for fun and not just necessity? So then you could surmise that Tom chases Jerry for the fun of it and not because he needs to eat. I know my cat chases her stuffed mice because they are filled with catnip. So perhaps there is a drug deal gone wrong that drives him.

Take for example: Paging Dr. Jones: Crystal skull stolen from New Age shop near Los Angeles
A store had on display a crystal skull. No, not an original crystal skull, as they admit it is perhaps only around 500yrs old (which I still find a little hard to swallow). In any case, the store had it on display and someone decided to take it. It was not the most valuable item in the store, or even on the alter on which it was being displayed, yet it is the only thing that was taken.

And in a throwback to “Temple of Doom”, Nepal king makes animal sacrifices to power goddess. I thought Indy had taking care of this little problem already. He killed the bad guy, got the stone with the three lines, and returned the children to the village. And Didn’t remove Cate Capeshaws heart in the process. But apparently the great Kali’s power (which make sense since she is the Hindu god of power) reaches beyond the fictional world of movies and still drives people in the real world. As long as they don’t force me to drink that nightmare blood and there is no giant lava pit nearby, then things should be OK if you are taking a trip there.

Holly crap, three posts in the same day. (ok so only two are of any substance). A little bit of overload, i know, but I am off tomorrow and probably won’t be posting anything so here you go again.

Bush gave the world the term “the internets”. At the time everyone thought he was crazy and just giving us more of his Bushisms. But look at that, there is a frozen ball of individually crystalized water molecules sitting right next to Hades. That’s right, Bush apparently got this one right.

Two large internets providers have come to a disagreement of over usage and such and have eached pulled their respective communications from the other. This means that anyone connected through one, cannot see any content hosted through the other. Thus greating more then one interent. And since we have more then one, that means we have “the internets”.

So to all those people that thought Bush was a mumbling half-wit: “Ha! In your face! He was right.”
(note: while the saying “Even a blind squirel finds an accorn every now and then” still holds true, Bush is niether blind, nor a squirel.)

I especially like the quote at the end by Khaled Hussein, whom I am assuming is a member of the police force in Iraq:

“I’ve seen his videos, he’s a hero. He saves the city, he protects women and children and he fights crime wherever it is. We should all be like Chuck Norris,”

The one thing I disagree with his calling him a mythical legend. When he is actually a factual legend, there is no myth about him.

So for those wondering what is so great about Chuck Norris here are a few Chuck Norris facts (go ahead, I dare you to dispute them, just know that Chuck Norris heard you say that and his fist has already hit your face)

• The fastest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’s fist.
• Chuck Norris puts the laughter in manslaughter.
• Chuck Norris divides by zero
• If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money then you.
• There is no ‘ctrl’ button on Chuck Norris’s computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
• Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.
• Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay’s potato chip.
• Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
• Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
• Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Nothing bad to say there. I think it is a great idea. They should be offered just as much protection as the officers they work with. I know in certain situations, here in the US, when there is the potential for gun fire the dogs even have their own bullet proof vest. What is odd is the picture. Fierce looking police dog, cute little booties on its feet.

I have thought about something similar for my cat, hardwood floors can be rough on her little paws. And no comments about owning a cat making me less of a man. You should try scooping the litter after a fresh steamer.

Now that is something to be proud of and really sets them apart as a socially refined and classy world power. What’s more important? Keeping people from spitting on the streets or helping the millions of people displaced by an over-sized damn, destroying vast ecosystems and displaying countless other animals? My vote is the no spitting. That is a gross habit and I for one think anyone caught spitting should be allowed to have no more then one child and be forced to use bribery to get a license to have said child.

Add better queueing, which is just fancy talk for standing in a line, and I will even let you include substandard manufacturing and quality practices. Hell, I could use a little more lead in my diet. But what really makes me envy the Chinese, they get to celebrate “voluntary wait in line day” on the 11th of every month. What I wouldn’t give to be able to just pick a line on the 11th and stand there. I suppose that would mean the rest of the time I could just march my way right up to the front of the line and not have to wait like everyone else. I think the only thing China could do to further improve their queueing is to make qui’s punishable by 6 months in prison and make people take a standardized queueing license exam before being allowed the privilege of being part of a line.

If all they have for me is less spitting and better lines and a stern talking to about overlooking the rest then I should move to China. At least they have faster internet connections.

“The force of the shock was so great that the hand was severed from his body.”

The hand was severed from the body! He was found near a pair of cable cutters and a pile of already collected wire…

Original Story

“As the agent was doing his search, he left the vehicle running and the keys in the ignition, so one of the lads, still wearing handcuffs, grabbed the steering wheel and they headed back to Mexico,” a police spokesman said.

Fine! Be that way, we didn’t want you here in the first place!

Original Story